The Scripture Project Logo
Hello, Guest
Login | Become a Member

Old Testament -> 1 Samuel

“Now go and smite Amalek, and utterly destroy all that they have, and spare them not; but slay both man and woman, infant and suckling, ox and sheep, camel and ass.”
1 Samuel 15:3

First Samuel for Skeptics

There are a few Bible verses that everyone should know. One of these is 1 Samuel 15:3, where God orders Saul to kill every Amalekite “man and woman, infant and suckling, ox and sheep, camel and ass.” Saul fails to kill everyone and everything, so God gives Saul’s kingdom to David, who is always happy to kill for God.

But there are other great stories in 1 Samuel. Did you hear the one about how David bought his first wife with 200 Philistine foreskins? Or how God smote the Philistines with hemorrhoids in their secret parts? Or how he asked them to make him five golden hemorrhoids? There’s lots of other stuff like that that you just won’t find anywhere else.

Here are some of the highlights.

• God smites the Philistines with hemorrhoids in their secret parts. 5:9

• God asks the Philistines to make him five golden hemorrhoids. 6:4-5

• God kills 50,070 men for looking into the ark of the Lord. 6:19

• “I will make a covenant with you, that I may thrust your eyes out.” 11:2

• The spirit of the Lord comes upon Samuel so he hacks some oxen in pieces and sends the pieces to all the coasts of Israel. 11:7

• God orders Saul to kill every Amalekite “man and woman, infant and suckling, ox and sheep, camel and ass.” 15:3

• God repents of having made Saul king since Saul refused to carry out God’s commandments (i.e., Saul refused to murder all the innocent women and children.) 15:11, 18

• Saul is haunted by “an evil spirit from the Lord.” 16:14-16, 23, 18:10, 19:9

• David buys a wife with 200 Philistine foreskins (twice the asking price). 18:25-27

• Killing those that “pisseth against the wall.” 25:22, 26:34

• David kills all the Amalekites again (see 15:7-8 where Saul kills them all the first time). 27:8-11

• Saul has a witch bring back Samuel from the dead. 28:8-15

• After being completely killed off by Saul (15:7-8) and then David (27:8-11), the Amalekites invade again. 30:1

There are 31 articles in "Old Testament -> 1 Samuel"