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Old Testament -> 1 Kings

He slew all the house of Baasha: he left him not one that pisseth against a wall ... according to the word of the LORD.
1 Kings 16:11-12

First Kings for Skeptics

God, I love the way First Kings starts!

Old king David could get no heat (and David was used to getting a lot of heat), so they searched through the kingdom for a young virgin that could do the trick for him. They found one, too, (Abishag) and “the damsel was very fair, and cherished the king, and ministered to him: but the king knew her not.” Shucks! 1:1-4

Here are some other highlights.

• Old King David tries to get some heat by having a beautiful virgin minister unto him. 1:1-4

• Solomon kills 22,000 oxen and 120,000 sheep when dedicating the temple to his bloodthirsty God. 8:63

• Solomon’s 700 wives and 300 concubines. 11:3

• God kills everyone “that pisseth against the wall.” 14:10, 16:11, 21:21

• Those that die in the city will be eaten by dogs, while those that die in the country will be eaten by fowls. 14:11, 16:4

• Killing everything that breathes for a loving God. 15:29

• When many people are needlessly slaughtered, you will know that the Lord is God. 20:28

• Stoning blasphemers to death. 21:13

• God’s dog food. 21:19, 21:23

• If you grovel before God, then he won’t punish you; He’ll punish your children instead. 21:29

• God puts a lying spirit into the mouth of prophets. 22:22-23

There are 22 articles in "Old Testament -> 1 Kings"